So, it's 2:30am and guess who's still up. Well...alot of other people. But, I guess I am too if I'm here writing. I could be lying on the time, but meh. No reason to do that. Right now, I'm watching Steven A Smith go wakka wakka wakka about the NBA. Which is totally irrevelant. I hate that sport. I used to watch the playoffs and finals, but I refuse to do that anymore. I hate that sport because it's meaningless, and because quite a few of society's problems along with alot of problems among black people would disappear if the NBA did. Long story that I don't feel like getting into at this hour, but they are a bunch of thugs. The people who follow them worship them like Gods. I can't tell you how many black boys who I thought could do so much better if they didn't have a constant fantasy of being an NBA player. I can't tell you how many times I've watched a great college player and have been kind of sad going, "Well, so long. Never gonna see you again. Hope you have fun playing in the thug league". I would change the channel, but nothing else is on. I've got access to probably 250+ channels, and there's not a damn thing that's on tv that I'm interested in watching. Sportcenter is just on for background noise. That's a crime. It's also a sign that I should go to bed.

I decided to watch Titanic a while ago. It's a 3 1/2 hr movie that I got done in 2hrs, thanks to the fast forward button. I also had a Gonzaga game that I could watch while fastforwarding long segments. I don't remember who Gonzaga played...some meaningless WCC opponent that they blew out. They are 13-7, and as long as they don't lose more than 2 more times, they should make the tourney. Even if they do, they'll still make it as long as they win the WCC tourney, which they should cuz the WCC sucks ass. It's a rebuilding year for them, so eh if they make the Sweet 16, I'll be shocked.

Why do I go off on these tangents? Heh. Oh well. So back to Titanic. I love that movie. I (well Mom) paid for us to see that movie 21 times in the theater when it came out. I've probably seen it another 20-30 times since. Even though we've got the movie on both VHS and DVD, everytime it comes on cable, both me and Mom are like "AHHHH! The movie's on!" It's coming on TNT on Saturday at 7pm, which means whatever I'm doing Saturday will be done by 7pm. It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how many times I've seen that damn movie, I pick up some minute detail or nuance that I've never realized before. I knew that would happen alot between the time that I saw it in the theater, and seeing it now. I mean, in Dec '97, I was what, 13 years old? God...that means..that movie came out 10 yrs ago. Damn, I'm getting old.

Anyhow, I figured that between then and now I'd pick up on more stuff just from being older and watching more movies. But even now, I can watch it now and Saturday. And I'm sure there's something on Saturday that I'll pick up on that I didn't realize before.

I just love that movie because it's so simple, yet so complex. No special tech effects. The love story in it is just touching enough without being cheesy. And, it's blended so well into the non-fictional characters that it looks like it belongs there. I mean, sure, the two main characters in the movie didn't exist. But, 1500 people died on that ship. I'm sure there were plenty of wives that lost husbands, girlfriends that lost boyfriends, and some people that lost people that they loved that they just met on the ship.

All the while, I keep thinking that all of that tragedy didn't have to happen if the builders weren't so g*ddamn arrogant and left out extra lifeboats. I mean sure...the boat still would have sunk. But, everyone would have had a seat in a lifeboat. But then again, it wouldn't be such a lasting story if that tragedy wasn't there. Besides, this sounds cold, but half of them probably would have died in the flu epidemic. And, almost all of the men would have died in either WWI or WWII, especially if they made it back to Europe.

Here I go sounding like a sarcastic bitch. I swear, that gets worse as I get older. I think the number 1 reason why I love that movie is because under neath all of that sarcasm and well as machoness without wanting to be male machoness, and well just wierd stuff about me...I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. I think that's one of the reasons why I miss HPCG so much is because part of me thinks that "Oh God, if I wait longer, I may not meet anyone else". Which for someone of my age, not even 24, that's just...stupid. My brain knows that, but my heart doesn't.

But yeah, I remember all the guys I used to work with at work used to make cracks like "Well, you're not exactly the most feminine girl we've had here or that I know", or when I beat a sales guy (a wimp) in arm wrestling, or took another guy's money for losing a football bet with me, "Well, you're not an average girl, so I feel alright". I even think the guy that I worked with in the office initially thought I was...well played for the other team, until he got to know me better. And yeah, outwardly, I'm not very feminine sometimes. I used to throw build packs at the sales guys across the room like they were footballs. I used to be able to snake a highlighter or trashketball around a pole in our office and hit the Parts Manager in the head. I talk football with anyone who's interested, even if they aren't. I go outside in the rain. I don't wear makeup half the time. I don't spend tons of money on my hair or nails. I don't read girly magazines, rant on and on about guys, or daydream about my big fancy ass wedding. So yeah, I'm not your typical girl. I bet those people I used to work with think that I don't even own a skirt or dress, or worn one. A couple of them even said so. That's one reason why I initailly hated that place- because I couldn't dress up. Yeah, I liked and still do wearing jeans and stuff. But damnit, I haven't had the chance to really dress up in a while. A long time.

But, if I do get another chance to go out with HPCG, and it's at a nice restaurant or somewhere else that's appropriate, I'm gonna make his fricken jaw drop. And no, I'm not going to dress like a slut or anything- that sends mixed signals, which I've already done enough of already. But, I'm showing a side that he or no one else at that place saw of me. I mean, I like dressing up at home- just trying stuff on. I like putting on my new jeans with a tighter fitting shirt, and looking at the mirror, and saying, "Dayum.." And no, I don't think I'm 'hot' looking or whatever. But as much as I bash my body, I'm proud that I have curves and that my 36 D's are all natural. So I don't know where I was going with this. But meh...I need to stop typing soon anyhow.

Oh yeah. I knew something else I was going to write about. I keep waiting for a certain question from my parents. "Jennifer, why aren't there hardly any pajamas in your dirty clothes?" or "Jennifer, why don't you have some pajamas with your robe in the bathroom?" Eh, they probably figured it out by now and don't want to ask. I'm not a perv or slut, but lately, I've liked either just sleeping in my robe, or sleeping naked. I used to do it in the summer when theh ouse would be so hot, it'd be out of desperation. But now, the heat works better, and I usually have 3 blankets on my bed. Not to mention that both the teal robe I bought for myself and the robe that Bonnie got me for Christmas is just so damn soft. But also too..I keep thinking that if I get used to doing that, that maybe I'll get to the point where I"m not so bashing over how I look anymore. I do have to be careful- my nightmare is running out of my room to the bathroom after just waking up naked, or one of my parents coming in on me or whatever. But it's comfortable. I know one thing...when appropriate and not near windows..especially when I get a house...I'm gonna be one of these people that walks around their house naked half the time. I envy people that have enough "eh who cares' and I guess confidence and freedom to do that. Heh..what a new years resolution that would be.